Breaking the Silence: The Invisible Scar of PTSD in Our Communities

“The wounds we don’t see are often the deepest.”

Ever since my childhood, I’ve experienced what some might call a "not-so-perfect" upbringing. I want to be direct: this isn't an emotional plea against my parents—they did their absolute best within their capacity to provide for us in a bustling Pakistani metro city. Rather, this is a critique of the environment I opened my eyes to.

We were a middle-class family, yet our surroundings were saturated with harassment, bullying, and systemic abuse. The tragedy isn't just that this behavior existed; it’s that it was—and still is—considered "normal." In our society, the bully is often tolerated, and the victim is told to "toughen up."

The Weight of Expectations

I am now in my mid-40s. I have been married for eight years, and though we do not have children yet, we face a relentless pressure that many in our culture will recognize: the intrusive questions and unsolicited "suggestions" from a society that lacks boundaries.

Watching my wife navigate the resulting anxiety has brought a hard truth to the surface: We are a society that mocks mental health because we are too afraid to admit we are traumatized. Last year, at my previous job, a colleague of mine—a man who carries the visible scars of his own battle with PTSD—shared a piece of wisdom that shook me. He asked me about parenthood and said:

"Brother, before you become a father, you must learn everything you can about parenting. If you fail to do so, you will leave scars on your children that can never be removed."

It was a profound warning. He wasn't just talking about changing diapers; he was talking about the transmission of trauma. He was telling me that if we don't heal our own PTSD, we inevitably pass it down to the next generation.

The Legacy of "Just Getting On With It"

In the 1990s, I watched my mother suffer through serious mental health crises. In South Asian joint-family systems, the eldest siblings often carry the crushing weight of everyone else’s needs, often at the expense of their own children’s emotional safety. My mother survived through sheer self-motivation, but as children, my siblings and I were left vulnerable. We were ignored, exposed to a cruel outside world, and became victims of harassment and bullying.

I see the results in my siblings. I see it in myself. It is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

I watched my uncle suffer in the 90s. I watched my father battle deep depression from 2004 until his passing in 2017. That same year, I lost my elder sister to the same invisible weight. Our communities move forward, pretending these are just "moods," but if we don't name the demon, we can never exorcise it.

Understanding the Framework of Trauma

PTSD is not merely "being sad." It is a complex psychiatric condition that develops after experiencing horrifying, shocking, or persistent traumatic events. While we often associate it with war, it is equally prevalent in those who have survived domestic abuse, childhood neglect, and systemic social harassment.

The physical toll of this disorder is undeniable. Those living with PTSD are under a constant physiological threat, making them more prone to:

• Cardiac and Respiratory issues.

• Gastrointestinal and Immunological disorders.

• High rates of psychiatric comorbidities and chronic anxiety.

Breaking the Cycle: A Problem-Solving Approach

How do we fix a problem that society refuses to acknowledge? We must move beyond "self-motivation" and look toward proven clinical frameworks.

1. Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)

This is a structured approach where individuals deconstruct the traumatic event. In our context, this means challenging the "self-blame" that society puts on victims. It forces us to look at the "not-so-perfect" upbringing not as a personal failure, but as a systemic one.

2. Prolonged Exposure & Regulation

Trauma makes us avoidant. We avoid the streets where we were bullied; we avoid the memories of those who hurt us. Professional therapy helps us confront these memories in a safe environment, using breathing techniques to regulate the nervous system’s "fight or flight" response.

3. Virtual Reality Exposure Therapy (VRET)

VRET allows patients to enter a virtually created environment to encounter their fears safely. While currently expensive, it represents the future of treatment, allowing the brain to "re-program" its response to the traumas of the past.

A Call to Action

We need to stop treating PTSD as a taboo that strips us of our humanity. To admit you are suffering is not to admit you are "broken"—it is to admit that you have survived something no human was meant to endure alone.

My family has paid the price for this silence. My father, my sister, and my mother all carried burdens that the community chose not to see. I am choosing to see them. As my colleague warned me, the work begins with us. If we want to be the parents our children deserve, we must first be the healers our own hearts need.

It is time to stop accepting the abnormal as normal.