The Ghost of Glory: Why I Miss Being a University “Champion”

 

"Caught between past milestones and present realities."

The smell of old coffee and cheap office carpet still clings to my clothes, a stark contrast to the scent of freedom and dusty textbooks I remember. It’s only been two or three months since I graduated, but it feels like a lifetime ago. I’m in my very first job — a Sales role at a bank — and tonight, while driving home from a soul-crushing day of selling credit cards, my past almost literally flagged me down. I was nearing the signal right by the university gates, and a quick tap on my window made me jump. There stood a batchmate! His face, a mix of surprise and delight, was a sight for sore eyes. I immediately told him to hop in.

The Unbearable Weight of Adulthood

As I drove him home, we started talking, the way old friends do, about the abrupt end of our student lives and the harsh new world we’d been thrown into. The initial excitement of a paycheck had faded, replaced by the grim reality of corporate life.

My friend got emotional. He brought up a quote from the Indian movie, Rang De Basanti. The character DJ, played by Aamir Khan, resists leaving university, saying he doesn’t want to because he has “respect” and is “popular/famous” there. My mate echoed the sentiment perfectly: “I miss university because we were heroes or champions over there.” I was completely moved. He was right. We were, in a small bubble, the stars of our own show. Now, we were just two more cogs in the colossal corporate machine.

The Myth of the Musician

Dropping him off, I drove the rest of the way home in a heavy silence, wrestling with a massive emotional phenomenon. What did I want to achieve? Where was I heading?

The immediate, painful truth was that I never wanted to be in banking, pushing consumer products like personal loans. Yet, here I was, doing exactly that because it was the first opportunity that came my way. For many, this job is a dream, but for me, it felt like a cage. I had aspired to be a musician — a creative, expressive life. This sales job required little to no creativity; it demanded a robotic, disciplined behavior to succeed — something my inherently rebellious nature resisted. Perhaps that’s why I felt I couldn’t succeed in it. That night, everything came to a head. All the dreams, the goals, the feeling of being a “super-star” enjoying life on my own terms, had seemingly faded the moment I tossed my graduation cap in the air. We were all now in lives we hadn’t planned for, the grand goals reduced to a myth.

The Price of “Practicality” and My Missed Opportunities

They say the practical ones adjust, accept the fundamental truth of the job market, and move ahead. But I felt the price of that success was too high. That night, I was so utterly upset that I ended up quitting that banking job. The corporate world, as it functioned, felt like a complete misfit for my spirit.

That same feeling of being an outsider, an emotional turmoil, remains today — more than 20 years later. I still find myself profoundly unfit for the corporate world. I don’t subscribe to the myths of the “go-getter” or the “hungry for more” attitude. I try to be transparent, putting all my energy and focus into the work itself. Yet, I have been disappointed again and again by the functions of corporate life. We are often promised one thing — be it compensation or work-life balance — and delivered another. The corporate structure constantly demands more and more: commitment, effort, efficiency, results. But in return, it provides only a small, often dissatisfying, portion. As DJ says in Rang De Basanti: “At this side of the university we play with life and other side of the university the life plays with us.” I realized I had crossed that line and was now on the side where life dictated the rules.

The Conspiracy of the Corporate Code

A philosopher once noted that if a person struggles to make money, the issue may not be their abilities, knowledge, or skills, but rather a failure to understand the underlying dynamics of the money systems, which may conflict with their ethical or moral values.

What I’ve come to understand is that the corporate world seems to have conspired to force us to leave our ethical values behind. The individuals lauded as “professionals” or “go-getters” are often the ones who have deleted these values from their lives the quickest. I still carry the same fire and spark I had two decades ago, but I remain profoundly unsuited to these corporate functions.

The Unwavering Dream of an Ecosystem

My youthful dream was to make a valuable addition to society. Today, that aspiration is still alive, though I no longer seek to be a professional musician. My focus has shifted: the dream is to create an ecosystem that is genuinely transparent and helpful for all individuals.

This ecosystem must offer opportunities on a foundation of equality, regardless of an individual’s financial background, social class, caste system, ethnic background, or any other demographic or psychographic factor (such as geographic location, lifestyle, values, or attitudes). It sounds like a monumental task, but that is the nature of great dreams. They are first seen, and then, slowly, they are lived. It is the same way Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream that many humans are, today, actively living. By building a world where people can grow together, I believe I can finally add the value to society I always sought.